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It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time. -Tallulah Bankhead
Time wounds all heels.
Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of a habit. -Somerset Maugham
I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again. -Bart Simpson
I can see clearly now... my brain is gone.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues. -Elizabeth Taylor
When choosing between two evils I always like to take the one I've never tried before. -Mae West
Save a boyfriend for a rainy day--and another, in case it doesn't rain. -Mae West
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. -Henny Youngman
Sometimes when I get up in the morning, I feel very peculiar. I feel like I've just got to bite a cat. I feel like if I don't bite a cat before sundown, I'll go crazy! But then I just take a deep breath and forget about it. That's what is known as real maturity. -Snoopy
Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp -- or what's a heaven for? -Robert Browning
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy. -Charlie McCarthy
Lord, grant that I may always desire more than I accomplish. -Michelangelo
Those who flee temptation generally leave a forwarding address. -Lane Olinghouse
I'm a simple man. All I want is enough sleep for two normal men, enough whiskey for three, and enough women for four. -Joel Rosenberg
There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it. -George Bernard Shaw
I never resist temptation, because I have found that things that are bad for me do not tempt me. -George Bernard Shaw
I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it. -Mae West
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. -Oscar Wilde
Help me to resist temptation, Lord, especially when I know no one is looking.
There's no fool like an old fool -- you can't beat experience. -Jacob Braude
The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools. -Doug Larson
Laughter is the closest distance between two people. -Victor Borge
A life without cause is a life without effect. -Barbarella
A man has to live with himself, and he should see to it that he always has good company. -Charles Evans Hughes
Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out alive. -Bugs Bunny
Life is too serious to be taken seriously. -Mike Leonard
If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself. -Mickey Mantle
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. -Groucho Marx
In spite of the cost of living, it's still popular. -Kathy Norris
Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed tough life trying to save. -Will Rogers
Dull women have immaculate homes.
Life is a wave, which in no two consecutive moments of its existence is composed of the same particles. -John Tyndall
If you can spend a perfectly useless afternoon in a perfectly useless manner, you have learned how to live. -Lin Yutang
Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.
Live every day as if it were your last and then some day you'll be right.
Like most endeavors, life is seriously over-advertised and under-funded.
All of the animals except man know that the principal business of life is to enjoy it.
God put me on this earth to accomplish a number of tasks... I'm so far behind I'll never die.
A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions, your wife asks for nothing. -Joey Adams
By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong. -Charles Wadsworth
Marriage is like the army. Everybody complains, but you'd be surprised at how many re-enlist.
The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. -Walter Bagehot
If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door. -Paul Beatty
Little Strokes, Fell great Oaks. -Benjamin Franklin
Beware the fury of the patient man. -John Dryden
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive? -Heidi Sandige
In all of us, even in good men, there is a lawless wild-beast nature, which peers out in sleep.- Socrates
I'll play with it first and tell you what it is later. -Miles Davis
Your husband called, he said buy anything you want!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. -Albert Einstein
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear. -Mark Twain
It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. -Mark Twain
We can lick gravity, but sometimes the paperwork is overwhelming. -Wernher Von Braun
Eat a live frog every morning, and nothing worse will happen to you all day.
It was such a lovely day I thought it was a pity to get up.-Somerset Maugham
Pizza is a lot like sex. When it's good, it's really good. When it's bad, it's still pretty good.
I don't mind living in a man's world as long as I can be a woman in it. -Marilyn Monroe
If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman. -Margaret Thatcher
For most of history, Anonymous was a woman. -Virginia Woolf
How wonderful it is to do nothing and then rest afterward.-Spanish Proverb
Reality is good for you...in small doses.
If I can't be seen, I'm on the green.
Golf is Tee-Rific.
Ever stop to think what golf spells backwards? -Al Bolinski
Golf is a ball no matter how you slice it.